Damned If They Donate, Damned If They Don't
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Tugging at Heart and Purse Strings
"With your donation, you'll receive this deluxe edition of the beloved and inspirational video series, Hugs and Matzoh Balls: Growing up Meshugana in Brooklyn. Plus, if you call now, your pledge of $100 will triple thanks to a generous pledge from the kindhearted Globo Chem Corporation." Yep...these days it seems as though the only way for non-profit underdogs to dig up a little dough is by inadvertently promoting some commercial entity. The question is, is that so wrong?

One Lowbrow Lowdown reader thinks so. In her email message, she expressed "disgust" at the "cravenness" of an affiliate promotion created in response to the recent round of school shootings in the U.S. Essentially, Cool Site of the Day has paired up with American Express to offer its Blue Card. With each registration through its site, Cool Site plans to donate $10 (a third of its per-customer acquisition commission from Amex) to Teaching Tolerance, an organization that helps "teachers foster equity, respect and understanding in the classroom and beyond," according to Cool Site's promo email (the same message is on the site).

The Lowbrow Lowdown lackeys wondered what Cool Site's owner, Mike Corso, had to say about the promotion, so we chatted him up. It turns out that Corso has been a supporter of Teach Tolerance "for years." In fact, this is not the first Cool Site offering that's benefited a non-profit. "I'm always trying to figure out, how can I benefit these organizations that I believe in through my business?" intimates Corso. "If I can do something where I feel like my commerce is doing some good out there, then that's what I will do."

He adds that, although about "half a dozen people complained," in response to the email which was sent to around 300,000 in-boxes, "overall, the vast majority of calls and emails have been really favorable."

Despite Corso's good intentions, the way in which the message is presented raises eyebrows. Calls to action resemble those of an ad for some hair-growth system or self-help book series infomercial: "Let's make something great happen. Complete the short application now," prompts the email. Also, the chain letter factor definitely plays a role in the recoil effect: "This effort will only be successful if you pass this message along to as many people as possible. Please forward the entire contents of this message to your friends and family, your business associates and anyone else you can think of."

Here's the main problem, and one which may have spurred some of the negative responses: the notice begins by assuring recipients that "This message has little to do with Cool Site of the Day. This message is about you and me and the world we live in." Well, that's sweet 'n' all. It's too bad it's misleading. The message is as much about Cool Site's profit margin as it is about teaching kids that killing classmates isn't the best way to win friends or influence the hall monitor.

Again, a postscript reaffirms the true intention of the promotion: "Not sure if you need the American Express Blue card? Maybe you don't, but that's not what's important. What's important is that in 5 minutes you will generate $10 for Teaching Tolerance." It appears that Cool Site's Corso has got some serious American Express Blue balls! I'd love to know what his new affiliate partner thinks of his sentiments.

From the sugar-buzzed bowl packers at Ben & Jerry's to long distance phone company, Working Assets to charity shopping sites like GreaterGood.com, many companies are built on models that donate a percentage of their dollars towards non-profits. Sure, ventures like these may serve to lull your average weekend Birkenstocker into a false sense of selflessness, but they make good sense, too. When you think about it, this type of relationship between charity organization and corporate firm is beneficial for both parties. Hey, neither would be involved if it weren't. If the naysayers were to look at the big picture, perhaps they'd see that if Cool Site did not benefit financially through the Amex partnership, its business would suffer, and along with it the prominent forum through which it can promote the cause in the first place. Plus, philanthropic folks can always donate directly out of their own pockets if they'd rather not support the profit-driven devils.

In the end, it's in any business's best interest to make money. People who don't like that idea ought to start their own businesses whose funds support the prohibition of private institutions. How's that for irony? Maybe they could sell hammers and sickles.

Ruski Ruse
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Press Payola
As if our friends in the Defense Dept. don't have enough to worry about, their high commander, Donald Rumsfeld, insists on inculcating them with his list of 154 rules. Among them is a little nugget, courtesy of T.S. Eliot: "Where is the wisdom we've lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge we've lost in information?"

If you're a media junkie, chances are this quote hits ya right between your glazed-over eyes. Sometimes the information inundation becomes so intense, you've gotta wonder, what's the point of it all? Is it fact or fiction? Is it contaminated with bias, or possibly worse, money? Well, even though at times we may question the value of this sleuth soup we all swallow each day, we can take heart in knowing that it could be a helluva lot more rancid. Let's just say it's a good thing most of us ain't readin' in Russia.

You see, our spy-game opponents have become so accustomed to the world of black markets and under-the-table payoffs that change is as far off as a Siberian sand dune. Unfortunately, even post-Soviet news reporters have yet to join their comrades to the West when it comes to journalistic integrity. Evidently, cash for coverage is one of those un-discussed, but widely accepted realities in Russia, according to The Economist's 3/3 article.

To expose the corruption, PR firm, Promaco pulled a prank on the press to prove that "much of the business coverage in the Russian press is no more than company hand-outs…." As featured in the story, "The firm invented a new electronics store, Svetofor, supposedly opening in central Moscow." Twenty-one potential victims were given the bait, and of them, "Three said they would run the material as an advertisement. But 13 papers and magazines offered to run it as an article, for fees ranging from $135…to more than $2,000 in the official government newspaper, Rossiskaya Gazeta, which printed the story (as a bona fide news item)…." Wait a minute. Isn't this the same government that claims it can't afford to pay off its foreign debts?

Sure, it's not like Russia's press is known to be a bastion of truth. After all, this is the same country that's got the owner of its only real independent media firm, Media Most, Vladimir Gusinsky, holed-up in Spain under charges of fraud. Meanwhile Gusinsky's supporters believe the threats against him and the media outlet are plainly punishment for critical reporting.

Really though, is the quality of U.S. news media so much better than that of Russia? Even "commercial free" public broadcasting seems ad-ridden these days, with the frequent 20-minute "reports" on box office blockbusters or interviews with best-selling romance novelists. It's depressing, but lemme tell ya, as a freelance writer in this tepid economic climate, times are tough. I'm even beginning to seriously consider moving to Moscow; I could use the PR pocket cash. Hey, do you think Rob Hanssen would mind if I borrowed his rolodex?

Whaddya Want, a Lollipop?
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Sucker? I Hardly Work Here
Dateline: 1989, a Knights of Columbus Hall, Small Town, USA. Following a bicker-filled two-hour drive with the 'rents and sibs, you're greeted by a swarm of alleged family members so extended they could actually turn out to be tolerable. From the crowd appears a vision of loveliness in a flowing whitish gown. "Is that the bride, Mom?" you inquire. "What's her name again? Whoa, she is way pregnant!" By the time the last wobbles of marshmallow-laden Jello and scraps of Salisbury steak are polished off, you find yourself passing your Styrofoam plate, along with those of the strangers to your left, down towards the heavy duty Hefty bag at the end of the table (only the best will do). Besides the Bird Dance, you learn one thing from this David Lynchian event: if you're gonna do it, do it right.

Perhaps the folks over at British Telecom missed that day in Life Lessons 101. As featured in the 3/1 Register report, in its effort to recognize employees for enabling the recruitment of "one million customers to its narrowband ISP (BTinternet)," BT handed out lollipops. The story continues, "One wag at BT explained the giveaway was part of an internal marketing exercise designed to show that BT was 'licking the competition.' "

Apparently, according to the Register report, BT has incurred "enough debt to sink a battleship," so, you can't blame company for it diligence in sticking to a supposedly tight budget. In this case, though, the end may not have justified the measly means.

I'll admit, it's unclear whether the lollipops were of the translucent, tasteless, post-measles vaccination variety, or of the adult-palette-pleasing à la amaretto or toasted coconut variety. Either way, this intended in-house marketing morale-booster may have ended up leaving a bad taste in the gossipy-mouths of BT employees (one of whom felt compelled to contact The Register). Think about it. The average staffer may be aware of the company's recent success, but may not feel as though he's personally responsible in any way. Chances are, he's not expecting any sort of special acknowledgment. Upon arrival of the dulcet distribution, the buzz hovering over the cubicles becomes decipherable, and Joe Workman's eyes sparkle at the thought of the possibilities. His mind floods with thoughts of bonus checks, open-bar parties and thank you strip-o-grams. And all he gets is a lousy sucker. Hmmm…I wonder how many licks it takes to get to the center of job dissatisfaction.

Find out how The Lowbrow Lowdown maintains employee morale.