The Lowbrow Lowdown on Marketing in Schools

On in-school advertising disrupting the learning process
"Hey, and all this time advertisers have thought that education disrupts the branding process!"


On schools disclosing personal student data to advertisers
"I realize that corporations that sponsor schools do so to boost their bottom lines, and that's perfectly understandable. The purpose of being in business is to make money, after all. The purpose of providing a fundamental education is not, however, to transform unwitting students into target markets. If marketers (many of whom are parents, and presumably have been children themselves at some point) can't respect that, then the problem extends far beyond a potential lack of school funds. Isn't it enough that these firms have been awarded the rights to plaster logos and sell products exclusively in public schools? Isn't it about time to draw the line?"


On soda company sponsorship contracts with schools
"Just think: These soda sponsorships could be the solution to the contentious school voucher debate! Rather than busting the church/state barrier by subsidizing private and parochial education with government funds, Coke and Pepsi could sponsor individual students. In fact, we should allow all advertisers to bid on the kids! Now that's what I call quality adver-cation."

The Lowbrow Lowdown on Product Placement

On "Foodfight," the movie, starring a slew of licensed product spokes-characters
"Overall, this Foodfight flick strikes me as more like an ad agency pitch than a source of entertainment. Maybe that's because it pretty much is. You see, the film company [Threshold] 'hopes to persuade companies to launch products based on characters Threshold itself created for the movie, Dex Detective and Daredevil Dan,' according to the article. Yep, 'Mr. Kasanoff sees potential riches in a long-term licensing deal with, say, General Mills.' Hmmm…maybe Dex Detective could help General Mills find the nutritional value in a bowl of Cocoa Puffs. Or better yet, maybe he could uncover a reason to pay to see Foodfight."


On Campbell's soup focused segments on ABC's "The View"
"This is The View we're talkin' about here, guys! Hey, I'll be the first to admit my repulsion by the very nature of what this Campbell's sponsorship represents (not to mention by the notions that The View is newsworthy or that Barbara Walters is a hard-hitting journalist), but let's be serious. I'll start to worry when I see C-SPAN's Brian Lamb hawking Slim Jims."


On the ubiquitous product placement in the "Josie and the Pussycats" movie
"I just don't get it; where's the imagination? Doesn't anybody miss the phony movie brands and franchises of yesteryear: the Pig Burgers, the Scrumdiddlyumptious bars, the Captain Hook Fish 'n' Chipses? Nowadays, it seems as though Hollywood blockbuster schmucks have given up on subtlety completely. The flick's one long ad -- period. One wonders whether Universal doled out any money for this promo picture at all. In fact, I think they ought to be paying us to see it."

The Lowbrow Lowdown on the Demonization of Big Tobacco

On Philip Morris International hiring Moscow teenagers to distribute cigarettes
"Hey, Philip Morris was only doin' these kids a favor. I mean, if you were growing up during the tumultuous Yeltsin years, you'd need the cool, refreshing taste of a Marlboro to get you by, too."


On the criticism of tobacco company marketing practices
"Cigarette manufacturers have the right to advertise their wares, yet they are vilified regularly for displaying marketing prowess within severely restrictive parameters. With time, as trial lawyers continue to disguise their marketing capabilities as societal health protection, the day will come when cigarette makers will be limited to sponsoring the tombstones of their oh-so-unwitting customers."


On a lawsuit filed by R.J. Reynolds, Brown & Williamson and Lorillard which argues that their market share is reduced as a result of Philip Morris' tactics
"Excuse me. I must have gotten some Marlboro brand smoke in my eyes because I'm crying. It's just so sad, you know? These downtrodden tobacco underdogs just can't seem to keep up with big bad Philip Morris. It's no wonder they had to sue, poor things. Boo hoo."

The Lowbrow Lowdown on Marketing's Influence on Culture and Society

On Volkswagen's branded Internet radio station which enables online music purchase
"The RadioVW site stresses, 'Music's been good to us. We thought we'd return the favor.' Let's complete that statement: 'We thought we'd return the favor by commandeering underground music culture for use in our own branding efforts.' Wouldn't it be nice (must-buy Beach Boys ditty) if VW could employ the same amount of original creativity it does for its ad visuals when choosing the audio components for them? And by that I mean that VW should compose something new rather than laying claim to something with its own pre-established aesthetics. The next thing you know, our friendly neighborhood VW rep's gonna be droppin' by the apartment to hook us up with a killer mix tape and some tasty buds."


On Ralph Nader's response to General Motors' sponsorship of the Smithsonian
"If Nader-affiliated institutions such as Commercial Alert, or other non-profits were to sponsor a Smithsonian exhibit, would that money be 100% string-less? In his reactionary paean, Nader notes that "The Smithsonian does not exist to serve as an extension of corporate public relations departments." Note the qualifier: corporate. How about if a financial supporter of The Green Party were to drop his write-off wad on a Smithsonian exhibit dedicated to the relationship between American society and the earth? Or, what if Greenpeace or Amnesty International were to sponsor the Smithsonian? Then again, why would they when that money could go towards more misspelled return address labels?"

The Lowbrow Lowdown on the Anti-capitalism/Anti-corporate Movement


On Adbusters' Kalle Lasn and his insistence that advertising is "mindfucking"
"I don't know about Lasn, but there are no McDonald's grease fires erupting from my synapses, nor are there any Calvin Klein billboards cluttering up the thruway to the center of my mind. Perhaps if the Adbusters message weren't so extreme, it would garner more attention from the average Joe who could use a steer away from the blind, impulsive drive to consume. Either that, or the Adbusters crew can keep up their current corporate-takeover counteraction by continuing to place ads in publications and peddle their magazine, calendar, postcards, videos and other anti-capitalistic merchandise."


On the movement against corporations that profit from higher prison enrollment
"It seems to me that no matter how much prison enrollment were reduced, there would be some group protesting the fact that there's a corporation out there profiting from the 'prison-industrial complex'. I suppose if the prisoners could be taught by some non-profit organization how to sustain their own in-cell organic gardens and hand-weave their own hemp uniforms, the corrections industry would be more acceptable to these people."


On an anti-corporate group's reaction to "the religious nature of consumer culture"
"I'm not a fan of huge worldwide conglomerates overtaking mom-and-pop shops, either, but I find this insistence on equating capitalism with gluttonous consumerism to be ill-informed as well as just plain upsetting. If it were feasible for us to exchange love beads and macramé belts for necessary goods and services, the commune-crazed utopia of the late '60s would have overtaken our oh-so-evil, capitalistic society by now. It's ironic, but something tells me that had the hippies overcome, we'd all be wearin' mass-produced dashikis and eating at the local Merry Prankster Bar and Grille franchise (tie-dye optional) on Friday nights at this point, anyway."

The Lowbrow Lowdown on the Art Worlds' Flirtation with Commercialism

On the alteration of Norman Rockwell images for New York Times' 9/11-inspired ad campaign
"Overall, I'm just disappointed in the mentality employed by marketers who would rather commandeer pre-existing artwork and culture than assist in creating something new. Just think of the countless artists whose careers have been boosted within their lifetimes thanks to publications like The New Yorker or Rolling Stone. For the amount of money The Times paid the Rockwell Estate, could they not have commissioned a living American artist, or group of living American artists, to create pieces that are truly timely? The Times could have been doing something extraordinary. Instead, the paper is feeding Americans the same ol' regurgitated pap."



On an ad placed in Smock magazine, painted by Anh Duong to bring art to the masses
"Man, it's a good thing we commoners have kindly folks like Duong to guide us towards enlightenment. If it weren't for people like her and all those selfless Absolut ad artists, I may still be mistaking the cover of Zeppelin's Houses of the Holy for tasteful art."

While best efforts were used in collecting and preparing the information contained herein, The Lowbrow Lowdown™ does not assume, and hereby disclaims, any liability for any loss or damage caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions resulted from negligence, accident or other causes.