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10.25.03
Lowbrow Lowdown Lookback -- OR -- The Night of the Living Logo Just when you thought it was safe to trust again, just when you thought they could no longer prey upon the unwitting, just when you thought their skull-sucking rampage had finally come to an end: they're baaaack. Hold on tight. Just in time for Halloween, the blonde brand zombies are on the loose again. And this time they want your brain -- and your email address. That's right. Everybody's favorite marketing minions, Chris Barrett and Luke McCabe have completed their macabre mission as "The First Corporate Sponsored College Students in America." Evidently their early university years spent shilling for First USA Bank in exchange for tuition funds weren't enough to satiate the craven lust of these shameless henchmen. Now, according to their website, "They are ready to make history again and get to work for a new sponsor." Since the Lowbrow Lowdown Lackeys last dared chronicle their twisted tale of degenerate youth, Chris 'n' Luke have embarked on acting careers, appearing in a music video for the unfortunately named band, Hoobastank, shot a pilot for a show on "Teen TV" and pitched their guide book on how to "get into and get through college."
Get this. As it turns out, despite their purported success as First USA-funded students chosen to represent financial responsibility, Chris 'n' Luke have yet to learn the meaning of irony. After attending the Toronto Film Festival last month to view The Corporation, Chris posted a message to the pair's site proclaiming: "It was an amazing film... and not just because we were in it!" Man, this kid's delusional enough to make Michael Moore seem rational…. The toady twosome has also embarked on a bold marketing endeavor called Lootz, "a database of over 100,000 young people in the 13-26 year old market," according to their site. Of course, they may be getting ahead of themselves considering the fact that the oversized focus group is still being formed. Ya gotta love their spunk, though. Chris 'n' Luke envision Lootz members getting free stuff such as CDs, food and sneakers from advertisers looking for "immediate grass roots impact and feedback." One wonders, however, whether advertisers will find much value in a service that generates fabricated brand buzz by design as compared to the truly organic kind that occurs naturally. Either way, they'll probably pull it off. After all, they were the first kids to convince a bank to flip the bill for their college careers and not require payback with interest. The haunting question: what company will be the next lucky sponsor of these sycophantic spokesdweebs? Who knows? It may be a consumer packaged goods firm looking to introduce its new low-carb, taurine-topped energy nuggets, or maybe some auto maker wanting to invigorate its tired sedan brand (This ain't yo' daddeez Caddy!). Just think: Chris 'n' Luke will be turning 21 soon, and you know what that means: hooch endorsements! Move over Jagermeister Girls; here come the Jagershysters…. Want more Chris 'n' Luke? Reanimate their earlier years with The Lowbrow Lowdown Lookback: 9.7.00 (The First Tale) The Revelations of Chris and Luke -- OR -- Apocalyptic Signs on the Dotted Line full story 6.27.01 (Tale #2) Profiting Prophets -- OR -- The Word of the Whored full story Chris 'n' Luke are also featured in Lowbrow Lowdown author, Kate Kaye's Sales Pitch Society (free PDF download).
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