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12.31.03
Judging a Book by Its Sponsor
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Marvel Uses Super Strength to Bust Through School Walls
For decades, advertisers coaxed kids to blow their allowances on junk like Silly Putty and Sea Monkeys. Favorite superheroes such as The Flash, The Hulk, Thor and Hawkman hawked Hostess Fruit Pies and Twinkies. The ad medium of choice, of course, was the beloved comic book. But times have changed. Comic book reading and collecting is a lost art, relegated to the realm of adult males with pathetic penchants for women of the illustrated and resin-based varieties. The comics industry has been hanging by its last spandex clad limb for years now, overtaken by the video game industry and other media. For today's youth, comic book heroes no longer become known by way of the printed page, but by way of the big screen.

But there's one last bastion of hope for comics producers, one last place those evasive rascals can't escape: school. Yes, those days when naughty boys and girls had knuckles slapped and belongings confiscated by teachers who caught them reading comic books during class are over. That is, if Marvel has its way.

As featured in a 12/18 press release posted on Animation World Network, Marvel Enterprises, the company behind such well-known characters as Spider-Man, The Hulk and Daredevil, has recently acquired Cover Concepts, a firm that distributes free, sponsored materials including book covers, folders and notepads to its network of over 40,000 public schools, daycare centers, summer camps and public libraries. Marvel intends "to further expand the reach of its publishing operations within younger demographics." The firm also aims to form new relationships with companies that haven't advertised in Marvel publications in the past.

The last time the Lowbrow Lowdown Lackeys came in contact with Cover Concepts was back in 2000 when Philip Morris got slammed by anti-smoking advocates for buying ad space on textbook covers to convince students to "Reflect Confidence. Think Don't Smoke." (Check out the Lowbrow Lowdown coverage).

As displayed on the Cover Concepts website, advertiser brands including Frosted Flakes, DKNY Jeans, Clinique, Seventeen.com and Mennen's SpeedStick have invaded the hallowed halls of education through the Trojan horse of free bookmarks, locker posters and growth charts.

Whether or not characters revered by youngsters should be employed to instill brand loyalty in their teensy, malleable brains is arguable. After all, Marvel's comics are commercial products sold in commercial settings; the presence of ads is to be expected. However, the presence of ads in publicly-funded schools and libraries is an entirely different scenario. By accepting Cover Concepts materials and distributing them to students, not only are schools endorsing particular advertisers, they're affording those advertisers access to a captive audience of inchoate kiddies. The potential incorporation of Marvel's animated characters into the mix gives this supposedly magnanimous form of sponsorship an even more despicable tinge.

Well, if Marvel must attract peewee pupils in such a contemptible manner, the least the comics colossus could do is give the book covers some super powers. For instance, lugging that Social Studies tome shouldn't break junior's back; it should carry itself. Chess club geeks should no longer disdain that Phys Ed handbook because clutching it could endow them with superhuman, bully-busting strength. Sex Ed textbooks with Cover Concepts covers oughtta render their owners invisible, free to explore the sanctum that is The Girls' Locker Room. Or better yet, Cover Concepts covers could ensure usage by bestowing the coolest superpower of all upon boring, out-of-date textbooks: the ability to read themselves.

It's just a good thing Superman is a DC Comics character, or we'd have to worry about Cover Concepts adding Kryptonite to the sponsored Periodic Table of Elements.



Roaming Charges for Pilgrims
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The Gospel According to Acotel
On Christmas Day I made a long distance call to my parents' home in Buffalo. The typical subjects were raised, such as the amount of snow on the ground, what Mom would serve for dinner, how much snow they got, who gave what gifts to whom, and all the snow that fell. "Did you guys go to church?" I inquired. They'd gone to the four-o'clock "kids' mass" the day before, said Dad, who proceeded to tell me about the appearance of Santa Claus on the altar during the homily.

My jaw plummeted. I was incredulous. The notion greatly disturbed me. I discussed the matter later on with Mom who, like me, disapproved of the blatant intrusion of a secular and commercial symbol like Santa Claus on one of the few secular- and commercial-free sanctuaries remaining in which to celebrate Christmas. "I guess they wanted to appeal to the kids," she assumed.

Well, the Catholic Church is not alone in its desire to attract young people to its flock, so the latest efforts of the Vatican should come as no surprise. According to a 12/23 BBC article, "Mobile phone users in the UK can now sign up to receive a thought of the day from the Pope." The Vatican, with a little help from Acotel, will send subscribers text messages chosen from the Holy Father's public pronouncements. The service has already proved successful in Ireland as well as Italy, where a multimedia service is currently being tested. Folks can register for or cancel the service by sending a message reading either "Pope On" or "Pope Off" to short code number 61131.

Amazing! And all this time after hearing the Pope give virtually incomprehensible sermons, I'd thought somebody left him off ages ago.

This isn't the first text messaging attempt made by a religious institution. "Some Muslim churches issue the call to prayer via text message and one German church broadcast an entire service via SMS," notes the BBC story. Hmmm…if only Pentecostals could figure out how to text message in tongues…. Man, first Vatican II ended the traditional practice of saying the mass in Latin, and now this? Next thing you know, I suppose the church will be translating the Gospel into Elvish to appeal to Lord of the Rings fans.

Apparently, adds the article, "The Pope has said that a place for Christ needs to be claimed in new media." Text messages from the Vatican are one way to do it. It certainly shows a lot of forward thinking on the part of a usually staid institution such as the Catholic Church. Still, if the church truly wants to align itself with the modern cyber era, it'll consider branching out beyond mere text messaging. A few possibilities:

Papal Personals
83-yr-old Pontiff, alert most afternoons, seeks Catholic QT in her 40s

SMS Shorthand for Catholics
Sup? Im redy 2 consecr8 Wan2 wtch? :-)

Vatican Spam
Subject: HOT Real Gurls accepting Cryst 32fEo56M



This Is Your Brain. This Is Your Brain on Advertising.
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Marketers Get A Head of the Competition
Let's face it: advertisers don't have a clue. In the five years or so that I've been covering the ad industry in various writing and editorial roles, I've had this belief reaffirmed time and time again. Despite the abundance of case studies, market research, testing and the like, most companies have no tangible means of determining the effectiveness of their marketing efforts. Even in the more easily tracked online world, ad campaign analysis is murky at best. No matter what can be learned from research and analysis, in the end, questions abound. Did the ad prompt purchases? Or was it the special product display and packaging? Could the low price or convenience factor have affected the consumer's decision? Then again, maybe it was that new Jay-Z tune glorifying the brand's luxury status.

Simply put, advertisers can't read our minds no matter how much time and money they put into trying. Or can they?

A new form of marketing science has emerged on the scene, and if its detractors have their druthers, it'll soon go the way of New Coke. It's called neuromarketing, and it employs Magnetic Resonance Imaging (better known as MRI) to identify patterns of brain activity to measure responses to, in this case, advertising or products. Commercial Alert, a non-profit organization, has been raging against the neuromarketing machine, contending that the research defies ethical standards and "will likely be used to promote disease and human suffering," according to Commercial Alert's 12/17 news release. Typically concerned with the alleged evils of tobacco companies, fast food chains, soda purveyors and video game makers, the group now wants Emory University to lose its research funding.

You see, the school's neuroscience facilities are home to BrightHouse Neurostrategies Institute, a research arm of Atlanta-based ad agency, BrightHouse. There, the BrightHouse brain buffs use the university's MRI equipment to conduct their research. As noted on the BrightHouse Neurostrategies Institute's site, the company "leverages scientific knowledge about how the human brain motivates consumer behavior to deliver strategic insights that are intended to enhance the relationship between the consumer and the product, brand and company."

In a letter to Kristina Borror, director of the Division of Compliance Oversight of the Office for Human Research Protections, Commercial Alert suggests that Emory should lose its federal research funding because it has violated principles of the Belmont Report, which governs research on human subjects and requires that the benefits of that research outweigh the risks. "The likely ill effects of this quest for the 'buy button' are many," concludes Commercial Alert, "while the potential benefits are few, except to the corporations that will get to push that button."

First of all, this is such a nascent field of research in terms of its commercial applications, pigeonholing it as inherently detrimental to people and society is premature. This type of research has already been applied to study things such as drug addiction; who's to say it can't be beneficial in its more commercial form? On its site, BrightHouse argues, "Our focus is decidedly from the consumer perspective with the direct intent to influence the behavior of companies, rather than consumers," adding that its studies are conducted "in accordance with all standards set forth by the scientific community…."

What I find staggering is the amount of significance people place on anything that involves lab coats and Latin terminology. Hey, there's no doubt that science has greatly benefited mankind. But the idea that increased activity in a certain part of the brain can somehow determine why I prefer Cadbury to Hershey's, or enable advertisers to easily trigger my buy button is quite a leap. The most it can do is assist marketers in the game of conjecture they've been playing all along.

Commercial Alert also bemoans the mind-bending possibilities of neuromarketing, wondering, "What if neuromarketing research were employed by a corporation that manufactures cigarettes, for example?…Does the BrightHouse institute have any political clients? What safeguards has Emory put into place to ensure that it is not used to create more effective political propaganda in support of genocide or the inflammation of racial or nationalistic hatreds?"

Well, I guess it takes a fear-mongering, propagandistic bunch like Commercial Alert to recognize the Fascistic brainwashing potential of neuromarketing. Sure, The Lowbrow Lowdown Lackeys have been known to beat the anti-corporate-marketing drum from time to time; however, isn't curious when those same questionable tactics employed by corporate marketers are used by their self-righteous protestors? To be leery of neuromarketing's negative implications is only natural. To build it up to the heights of Hitler, or (gulp!), Joe Camel, is delusional.

Sheesh. If it were up to the Chicken Littles at Commercial Alert, the axis of evil would consist of The Marlboro Man, Ronald McDonald and COBRA Commander.


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