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12.5.03
Lowbrow Lowdown Lookback -- OR -- Punching a Gift Horse in the Mouth It's Buying Stuff season again, and it makes ya wonder: are there any cultural traditions left that haven't succumbed to commercialism's slow, steady soul sap? Sure, Christmas is hopelessly beyond restoration, as the reports of Black Friday brawls over Bratz dolls and early morning shopper stampedes demonstrate. But at least marketers have yet to concoct a scheme to corrode the substance of our generosity towards one another during more personal events such as birthdays, weddings, graduations and bar mitzvahs. Why would they? When it comes to tarnishing the spirit of giving during those special times, consumers have done a damn good job on their own. First came store registries that enabled brides and grooms to predetermine wedding gifts. Then came store wish lists for kids' birthdays (you know, for those absentee parents who are so clueless about their wee ones they don't even know what toys the li'l buggers want). Now, as far as some crass materialists are concerned, even moving into a new apartment warrants an official gift registry. As featured in an 11/18 Wall Street Journal article (For the Humble New Abode, The Less Humble Gift Registry, By Katherine Meyer), "Housewarmings are the latest fad for gift registries." Among the merchants that now accommodate this new breed of self-congratulatory greed are Crate & Barrel, Williams-Sonoma, Pottery Barn, Linens 'N Things, Bed Bath & Beyond, findGift.com and Bloomingdale's, which "added 'housewarming' as a registry option when it sensed interest from customers about a year and a half ago."
I'm just waiting for an eBay Housewarming Registry. That's where all the brushed steel Kleenex holders, post-modern tea kettles and wicker crap is gonna end up in a few years anyway, right? Apparently singles are doing the bulk of the begging. It turns out, according to the story, "they want to enjoy the same sets of linens and tableware as their married friends." Watch out. The next thing you know, congressional conservatives will want to tack on a "Married Home Décor Sanctity" clause to the inevitable anti-gay marriage amendment proposal. As told in the Journal piece, Ethan Minsker reaped a bountiful harvest through the registry he set up for his apartment-warming three years ago. The shameless New York bartender's justification: "It was a lot of work and a lot of money to buy an apartment….I think it's only fair that your friends kick in a bit." I suppose this guy expects a biscuit after he pours a beer, too. Considering the number of people who set up gift registries for weddings and other events, I realize I'm in the minority when I wonder how this practice ever became acceptable social etiquette. To me, the fact that people tolerate this type of presumptuous behavior from others and actually perpetuate it is disturbing. When did it become OK to not only expect guests to purchase a gift of a prescribed minimum value, but tell them specifically what items are suitable? Man, talk about turning a thoughtful expression of kindness into an impersonal and unimaginative exercise in obligation. As if the notion of traditional gift registries isn't tacky enough, now we've got self-serving knick-knack addicts whining about how moving into a new home is a burden deserving of material rewards from people who have nothing to do with the situation in the first place. Boo hoo. The next time one of these gift bullies sets up a registry to celebrate his new crib, he oughtta make sure he adds extra large diapers to his list. 
Don't stop there! Here are a couple more tales of commercial corruption. First, The Lowbrow Lowdown brings the wedding industrial complex and its detractors to their garter-belted knees. Next, The Lowbrow Lowdown inveighs against Valentine's Day advertisers that tug on our wallet strings. 6.28.02 Coup d'ephemera -- OR -- A Diamond Is for Lemmings full story 2.15.02 Ain't Got Time for Love -- OR -- Roses are Red, Violets Are Allowed full story |