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8.1.03
Yea or Neigh?
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Road to the Beltway Is Paved with Biscuits
Call it mindless entertainment. The other day I caught beloved West Virginia Senator Robert Byrd on CSPAN. This time the old coot was knee-deep in a shaky sermon against some Beverly Hillbillies inspired reality show nobody's gonna watch.

Apparently Byrd is concerned that The Real Beverly Hillbillies will give viewers the false impression that people from rural America are provincial boobs. Thankfully Appalachians have the ever-enlightened Byrd to counteract any small-minded yokel stereotypes the entertainment industry may be perpetuating. (Surely his 1978 bluegrass album Mountain Fiddler has helped.)

Every once in a while rubes like Byrd take the liberty of wasting valuable time in the people's house by attempting to usurp the people's freedom to make their own entertainment decisions. Whether they're funding art organizations, censoring song lyrics or influencing anti-drug TV scripts*, our elected officials love to engage in cultural engineering.

Now the entertainment industry is engaging in legislative engineering. Witness recent actions of the Motion Picture Association of America and the National Thoroughbred Racing Association. The two groups have transformed the race horse Seabiscuit into a Trojan horse by which to gain entrance to the fortress on Capitol Hill. According to a 7/25 Wall Street Journal story (Racing Industry Seeks to Parlay 'Seabiscuit' Hoopla to Tax Breaks by Shailagh Murray), the $34 billion racing and breeding industry is desperate to win congressional favor, especially when it comes to changing tax legislation that reduces industry revenues.

So the NTRA is betting that the hype centered around Seabiscuit, the latest inspirational mush-fest to hit theaters, will help spur interest in the industry group's cause among politicos. As quoted in the Journal piece, NTRA vice chairman D.G. Van Clief Jr. believes "The value of the book and the movie is potentially inestimable….Breaking through is what it's all about."

To facilitate the breakthrough process, the lobbying group hosted private screenings for members of congress at the MPAA's D.C. offices last week. Before showings, racing lobbyists were waiting like so many lustful stallions to pounce on the teased congressmen.

Apparently our impeccably principled representatives happily gobbled their Seabiscuit sugar cubes, making sure to reschedule floor votes that conflicted with film times. After all, they're just as susceptible to candied Hollywood pap as the rest of us.

Of course, lobbying for pro-racing tax laws is merely an added bonus for Seabiscuit marketers. They've not only set their sights on promoting the movie, but the sport on which it's based. As featured in a 7/24 USA Today article, race tracks across the country have planned to screen the film in hopes of cashing in on Seabiscuit mania.

And get this: According to its website, The Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome Association of America is touting the popularity of Laura Hillenbrand, author of Seabiscuit: An American Legend, the book that inspired the film, and a chronic fatigue syndrome sufferer, as a "boon for CFIDS awareness."

Yeah, and Tobey Maguire is a boon for Chronic Testosterone Deficiency Syndrome awareness.

I guess the notion that movies can promote issue awareness is nothing new. Sadly, the majority of people rely on fluffy entertainment to learn about most things. And usually it takes a lot of media hype just to pique their impotent curiosity in the first place. So, it comes as no surprise that a political lobbying group like the NTRA is reliant upon sappy cinema slop to turn congressional ears towards the horse whisperings of the racing industry.

You can lead a horse to water, but can you make him legislate? I'd like to think it takes more than a free flick to sway a vote. I mean, I'm hoping our upstanding congressman would at least have the decency to hold out for private box seats at next year's Kentucky Derby.

Or better yet, maybe they'll have the good taste in the first place not to fall for a movie starring Jeff Bridges.

*See the Lowbrow Lowdown coverage of how the Office of National Drug Control Policy influenced shows like Chicago Hope, ER, 7th Heaven and The Drew Carey Show.



Potent Quotables
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Pigs Get a Poke
Despite the heroic sacrifice and dedication to justice displayed by some cops, police usually get a bad rap. Action movies, TV dramas, crime novels, even cartoons have portrayed cops as bumbling, power-hungry fools with little more on their minds than mob payoffs and powdered fry cakes. To sum up most depictions of The Man, he just can't get anything right.

Apparently he's inept even when it comes to selling out. Well, selling out to advertisers anyway.

You may recall a slew of stories that hit the wires about a year ago detailing a new alignment between police departments and advertisers. Soon, those rearview red lights would be flashing atop logo-laden sedans, we were told. It went something like this: cash-strapped local governments would get new patrol vehicles at a negligible cost from a Charlotte, NC firm called Government Acquisitions. The hitch: the squad cars would be wrapped with ads. (For more details, check out last year's Lowbrow Lowdown coverage.)

The company's website lists hundreds of markets (i.e. local municipalities) from Alaska's City of Kotzebue to Maine's Town of Winthrop that have signed up with Government Acquisitions. But as Murphy's Law would have it, none have hit the beat streets in their sponsored swine rides yet. In fact, according to the 7/30 edition of MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann, "not a single advertiser has been named; not a single car has been delivered."

What's the hold up? Upon inquisition, Government Acquisitions President Ken Allison was cryptic at best. His answer according to the MSNBC report: "That's not a fair question because I can't give you an accurate answer."

It sure would take a wide-eyed sucker to fall for a snappy answer like that one. Allison oughta try it the next time a Charlotte cop asks why he's been driving over the speed limit.



Soft-bound Sob Story
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Failure Sells
When patrons of Jersey City's beloved Flamingo Diner aimed their proverbial slingshot at city government and Wall Street goliath Goldman Sachs it worked.

The scrappy Greek diner was saved from eminent domain induced demolishment while the star of JC waterfront real estate and corporate tax abatements slinked away in defeat. OK, the financial firm still gets to build its new tower, but now it must alter the plans for an approach road that would have caused the diner's demise.

Yankees fans aside, people love to root for the underdog. And when the underdog is on the verge of bottoming out for good, folks will come out of the woodwork to save him.

Another indication of humankind's knee-jerk tendency towards heroism is evinced by the recent rescue of underground comics publisher Fantagraphics from the bowels of bankruptcy. This time the saviors were not spandex-clad crusaders, but the comic book geeks themselves. As chronicled in the July issue of Fantagraphics' The Comics Journal (News Watch: Comics Community Comes to Fantagraphics' Rescue, by Michael Dean), the company was "reeling from the one-two punch of loss of income from its bankrupt former distributor and increasing expenses due to over-printing for the bookstore market."

Translation: as far as Fantagraphics is concerned, MBA stands for Meaningless Bureaucratic Aptitude.

Realizing the only way to get out of their monetary misfortune was to sell the abundance of books they'd imprudently ordered from the printers, founders Gary Groth and Kim Thompson bit the bullet. They begged for help. Tails between legs, Groth and Thompson sent an email SOS to comic industry websites and Fantagraphics' newsletter subscribers.

According to the Comics Journal story, it went like this: "Due to two major financial obstacles over the last two years, we're hard against it….We have put in place a system of checks and balances by which we will watch our inventory growth scrupulously. But we have a debt to pay down and wolves at the door….If you've respected what Fantagraphics stands for…if you've enjoyed our books…we're asking you to help us now in our especial hour of need by buying some books."

A mere week later, the publisher of such acclaimed comic titles as Love and Rockets, Acme Novelty Library and Eightball had reached its immediate goal of raising $80,000.

In the 6/3 Village Voice coverage of the situation, Groth concludes, "I guess it's a tradition now….Begging people to buy books instead of actually marketing them."

Hey, the virtual panhandle even worked on the characteristically callous Lowbrow Lowdown Lackeys who actually took pity on the publisher's plight and bought a few Fantagoodies. Being a strong believer in capitalism and the Darwinian reality that propels it, I'll freely admit that it was Fantagraphics' touchy-feely heart-string tug and my general support of underground comics that inspired my purchase, not the company's strategic business sense. Hey, as noted in the Village Voice story, even Groth blames his firm's financial woes on "a combination of poor management skills and bad luck."

It makes ya wonder: could a plea like this work for everyone? Let's take Amazon, for instance. The Bezos brainchild sells books, too, including graphic novels and paperback comic collections. Just imagine the consumer reaction if the ecommerce behemoth were to implore its loyal customers to assist in assuaging its financial suffering. Is there any doubt the approach would flop? Rather than coming to Amazon's rescue, the consumer response probably would be more like, "Customers who bought this line of bullshit also fell for that spam message about a large inheritance from the Prince of Tonga."

In other words, sometimes having a lean, mean business machine isn't always a requirement for success.

Underdogs can use adversity to their advantage in ways that would be considered disingenuous or simply unbelievable if employed by larger or stronger entities, no matter how loyal their customers. Only a certain type of outfit and brand can resort to begging as a marketing tactic. Not only must that company offer a unique product (exceptionally crafted comics or the creamiest rice pudding), or be the only one to provide it (the only publisher to print R. Crumb's '60s era greeting cards or the only joint in town that makes those great little honey-dipped fried treats), it must have a supportive community in place that's willing to stand up and take action in its defense.

Hey, it's only fair that the little guys can play the hardship card once in a while. After all, the hulks in big industries such as steel, air transport and defense need only sniff the arse of a politician to get bail-out bucks.


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