6.22.04
Thug Plug
-- OR --
Pooch Pitch
We've all heard tales about gullible gray hairs getting bilked out of their mattress stash by some fly-by-night swindler promising the world and never delivering. Such sob stories are a dime-a-dozen, and require two main players: predator and prey. And no matter who's starring as the bad guy, the blame almost always lies on both parties.

And so it goes with rappin' and actin' extraordinaire DMX and cry-baby canine couturier Amusing Diversions, Inc. Word has it that the dog dresser-upper is suing DMX in Manhattan Supreme Court for $90K claiming he neglected to fulfill his contractual obligations. You see, as told in a 6/11 FoxNews.com article, Amusing Diversions paid the gravel throat to promote its line of doggie duds, figuring a tie-in with DMX -- who evidently accompanies his raspy rap with barks and growls -- would be just the thing to propel brand recognition of its "leather jackets, bubble jackets with fur trim, sports jerseys and other 'urban' dog wear.' "

Urban dog wear? So, is that clothes for black dogs or clothes for black people's dogs?

It turns out DMX failed to talk-up the pup pomp during appearances on Jimmy Kimmel Live and the Sharon Osbourne Show, as promised. And worse yet, he showed up to the Las Vegas launch of the clothing line late and dizrunk.

Sheesh…and you'd think the Amusing Diversions execs would have given DMX props for maintaining the fuck-all-y'all persona they were paying to attach their brand to. Dumb crackas..

As if that weren't enough to display the marketers' naďveté, the dolts said they'd been assured DMX had "a positive connection' with the canine community," according to the story. Apparently they based this Dolittle drivel on the fact that DMX had "done 'dog awareness' radio spots urging people to be kind to their animals."

Here's a shocker: DMX did the spots because a judge told him to. As noted in the article, he "pleaded guilty to animal-cruelty charges in 2002, after officials found 14 pit bulls living in poor conditions at his New Jersey home." Let's disregard the fact that even if there is such an entity as "the canine community," it doesn't take much to have a positive connection with it. The amusing negligence of Amusing Diversions is best displayed by the fact that the company actually assumed DMX did animal cruelty PSAs out of the goodness of his heart.

It's not that I don't think DMX is in breach of contract. He may very well be, in which case, I'm sure he'll be penalized. Regardless, that doesn't negate the responsibility of the supposed "victim" in the case. Obviously the decision makers didn't do much doggie-doo diligence when evaluating an alignment with the rap star. If they had, they most likely would have uncovered the truth about his history of animal neglect.

The irony here is that Amusing Diversions actually does need someone who's willing to harm animals to promote their products. After all, what could be more degrading to an urban dawg than to dress him in anything less than Rocawear?



Holy Schvitz
-- OR --
Let Love Sell
It was Reagan's charming personality alone that prompted the Iranians to give up our hostages. Today's onslaught of cartoon and movie tie-ins makes it impossible for parents to deny their children junk food and violent toys. Our consumer culture's unrealistic obsession with thinness is to blame for the unwarranted assault on obesity.

Ahh…denial. People just love living in denial. Is there any other explanation for the ridiculous notions some folks cling to? Selective acknowledgement of the facts makes everything so much easier. Call it instant justification. Just add denial and that pesky guilt goes bye-bye. Of course, a desire to assuage guilt isn't the only impetus for turning up the denial dial. There's always money.

Just ask Lenny Kravitz. He's all about eschewing the baggage of our vain society and appreciating the inner spiritual beauty of all humanity. That's why he only dates models and celebs like Kylie Minogue, Nicole Kidman and Brazilian Victoria's Secret model, Adriana Lima. And when it comes to his latest album, Baptism, he couldn't care less whether people buy it, as long as it inspires peace and love. Witness an exchange that took place during Howard Stern's 5/18 morning radio show:

Go figure…he forgot to mention that listening to his words of wisdom requires $17.98.

Sure, the hippy dippy peace and love shtick has been working for him for years, so I wouldn't begrudge him that. However, denying the fact that a strategically orchestrated marketing effort is not a promotion at all, but a religious experience -- Lenny's moving into Michael Jackson denial territory.

Were he not so insistent on perpetuating his anti-establishment poseur persona, maybe somebody with half a brain could take Lenny seriously. To me, it's so much cooler when musicians or actors own up to the reality that they're (heaven forbid) promoting something. The sad thing is there are probably countless sheeple out there who actually buy his baptismal B.S.

It's just too bad Lenny's ablutions can't rid him of original spin.



Hip-hop Hostages
-- OR --
Wolf in Peeps' Clothing
Some consider it almost obligatory for black people in this country to vote democrat. In fact, oftentimes black Republicans are vilified for turning their backs on their race, their community. The very notion that skin color should dictate personal beliefs is so offensive to me, that I'm amazed when someone who actually does break trust with the folks he claims to be his people continues to earn their respect.

It comes as no surprise that the guy who's taken hip-hop to the masses, masterminded wildly successful businesses -- and used the bully pulpit afforded him through his entrepreneurial success to promote slavery reparations, inveigh against the Rockefeller drug laws, and organize a National Hip-Hop Political Convention -- is revered by people of all hues.

Since he founded the Def Jam record label 20 years ago, Russell Simmons's ride to the top of the food chain has been fueled by "the hip-hop community." A 6/7 Newsday.com feature takes stock of his dominion, from Def Jam and his apparel company Phat Fashions, both of which he's sold for a total of $240 million, to his $330 million urban marketing outfit, "Rush Communications, that helps push products ranging from high-priced apparel, cell phones, watches, energy drinks and even debit cards."

"Large companies scramble to do deals with Simmons, who is the go-to guy in a market that most large mainstream corporations apparently still feel uncomfortable entering on their own," the article adds. In addition to hawking coveted clothing and accessories, he anoints Motorola phones and luxury Grimoldi watches with Simmons snake oil, and has even introduced the Rush Card, a "debit card for people with blemished credit."

Some people just ain't feelin' the Duke of Def, though. As noted in the Newsday.com piece, "Simmons…makes his millions pushing a lifestyle steeped in swaggering bravado, violent street life and unabashed misogyny. And while Simmons calls hip-hop and rap music art, a growing number of critics say its influence is harmful to youth and society."

Right target. Wrong reasons. Simmons's true hip-hop-crisy is evinced by his exploitation of the very people he purports to support through his political crusades. OK -- the alignment of hip-hop and marketing may appear to be mutually beneficial on the surface. Through the arrangement, the so-called hip-hop community is catered to and appreciated as a prized demographic, while marketers achieve instant street cred through the Simmons stamp-of-approval, thus establishing their brands among those favored by influential rap artists and Hot 97 hangers-on.

And I'll be the first to admit that other cultural movements inspire their share of merch hucksters and pandering carpetbaggers. However, to me, Simmons stands out for his willingness to sacrifice the people who prop him up. It was a year or so ago that I received a large, glossy promotional packet for some sort of urban marketing event in which Russell Simmons was involved. (Since I've subscribed to various ad industry trade pubs over the years for my writing work, I often get direct mail targeted to marketers.) As I recall, the goal of the conference was to help marketers understand how to tap into the influential and lucrative "urban market" (a.k.a. black city kids).

The nature of the event and Simmons's participation in it disgusted me. It seemed as though Simmons may as well have been saying, "Hey, clueless corporate hacks, wanna make a buck off the 50 Cent crowd? No problem. Not only can I speak their native tongue, I can round them up and pry open their wallets for ya too."

I know this desirable demo also. They perform elaborate feats of double dutch outside the yellow house across the street from mine. I remove their pizza grease-soaked paper plates from my rose bushes. The thunderous booms erupting from their car stereo woofers shake my living room windows. And while in line at the market around the corner, I look on as they pacify their toddlers with M&M's, hoping their Families First Card purchases will be processed.

These are the pawns in his game. The hip-hop culture Simmons lords over manufactures the lust, and he feeds the need, willingly offering his followers up as sacrificial lambs to those with agendas far more transparent than his own, and all the while he profits from this propagandistic ploy. Now, rather than promoting things that could truly help the downtrodden among his devotees -- such as frugality and saving money -- he's provided a debit card to ensure they can continue their misguided quest for the empty symbols of status even after their credit's run dry.

The Rush Card is aptly named. For once the fleeting rush of material gratification subsides, Simmons is the one who profits, not the community he claims to cherish. Talk about a Def Scam.

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