8.31.05
Freaks 'n' Beaks
-- OR --
Coq Balk
A few weeks ago I caught an episode of NPR's On Point that featured interviews with an evolutionary biologist and an advocate of the euphemistically named Intelligent Design movement. The lively debate originally planned for the show, however, was not to be. As it turned out, each and every Darwinist considered to represent the pro-evolution camp declined to go head-to-head with the creationist, according to On Point's host, "for fear of giving Intelligent Design too much standing." As they say, sometimes, it's best not to dignify certain comments, or in this case, beliefs, with a response.

Perhaps the Clive Barkeresque band Slipknot would do well to follow similar logic. The ghoulish rockers have launched a legal strike against a phony band created to push Burger King's latest poultry product. In case you have yet to hear about it, BK's new TV and Web campaign features a hard rock band called Coq Roq whose members dress like roosters from some post-apocalyptic cockfight and croon laughable lyrics like "Bob your head, Let the people rise, Bob your head, One kingdom under Chicken Fries."

According to an August 18 EOnline story, Slipknot's attorney sent a cease and desist letter to Burger King as well as Crispin Porter and Bogusky, the agency that created the Coq Roq campaign and its acclaimed predecessor, the Subservient Chicken Web campaign. The notice claimed that the campaign for Chicken Fries ripped off Slipknot's image and persona. As posted on The Smoking Gun, the actual legal document states that "Burger King and CPB chose to create a look-alike and sound alike 'band' in order to influence the Slipknot generation to purchase Chicken Fries."

BK and CPB shot back with their own highfalutin legal mumbo jumbo, disputing the notion that Slipknot inspired the campaign. Slipknot also contends that discussions between CPB and the band last year regarding a different BK campaign proves the agency's identity theft. But CPB's response reveals the agency had also contacted 18 other musical acts in addition to Slipknot, including Snoop Dog and Ted Nugent, about possible appearances in BK-branded ads "encouraging young people to vote." Slipknot declined, says the band's lawyer, because they didn't want to be affiliated with the Burger King brand. Anonymous Lowbrow Lowdown sources have discovered that Slipknot has been holding out for a McDonald's endorsement out of respect for the company's longtime affiliation with creepy face painting and disturbing character creation. Sounds like a match made in hell.

Though Slipknot may have deluded themselves into thinking they're the first band to rock the horror shtick, the reality is that the elaborately-crafted appearance of Slipknot is about as original as Elvis Presley's hip thrusts. They've apparently ignored the grotesquely made-up musical monstrosities who came before them -- from Arthur Brown and Alice Cooper to Gwar and Dolly Parton. For example, Slipknot has one member who dresses like an evil, bloated clown, others who wear flesh-like masks, and one guy whose mask emits a porcupine-like array of metal quills. Folks who've watched Hannibal Lecter and Leatherface have seen those frightening flesh masks before. Anybody who's ever seen the Hellraiser movie villain, Pinhead, knows the pointy mask is more like an homage than an innovative idea. And as for the scary clown thing, not only have clowns long been considered sinister creatures by many, even the eerie musical clown concept has been around for a while now. Just ask The Insane Clown Posse, or Jack White.

Surely the freaks in Slipknot are well aware that their own hellish costumes are less-than-original. And surely they realize that, along with those silly get-ups, their gimmicky eight-piece line-up -- three drummers, two guitarists, a bassist, a vocalist and a DJ -- is viewed by skeptics as a device intended to distract people from a probable lack of musical talent. I don't know about you, but I'd rather listen to earsplitting rock 'n' roll made by the kind of artists who spend more time playing than playing dress up.

Even Slipknot's letter to BK claims "Internet message boards and other communications from Slipknot fans have already demonstrated actual confusion among Slipknot fans as to Slipknot's affiliation with Burger King…." One wonders whether Slipknot is concerned that its ersatz image is so unremarkable that even its fans can't tell the difference between them and the Roqin' roosters.

If the horror geeks in Slipknot had the balls their menacing costumes seem to advertise, they'd challenge Coq Roq to a battle of the bands. But, I guess Slipknot feels threatened enough by this commercially-hatched bunch of poseurs that they'd rather have their lawyers fight their battles for them. It's too bad; it would have been fun to watch Slipknot get pelted with Chicken Fries, and see Coq Roq covered in decomposed fingernails or amniotic fluid, or whatever icky stuff it is that the so-called "Slipknot generation" keeps on hand for such events.

Or better yet, if the members of Slipknot had any self-respect, they'd ignore the Coq Roqers all together rather than revealing their weaknesses for the sake of a little publicity (just in time for a new tour, by the way). I mean, c'mon! Coq Roq is a fake band for chrissakes! Slipknot's lawsuit threats only serve to promote the Coq Roq campaign, and no doubt put smirks on the faces of the CPB creatives who developed it. I guess the Coq Roq campaign might be an elaborate scheme to expose Slipknot as the lame bunch of chickens they really are.

Still, I wonder why Slipknot would afford this fake band more legitimacy and press than they deserve. Even more, I wonder how long it'll take until the estate of a real horror legend, Bela Lugosi, files a copycat suit against the makers of Count Chocula.



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