Steamin' Hot Cardboard
-- OR --
A New Way to Hold the Anchovies
If there's one channel that's even cooler than CSPAN, it's the Food Network. Sure, on both channels you're guaranteed to see obnoxious egomaniacs feeding audiences with what amounts to attractively presented crap. Hey, who doesn't wish remote controls could transmit a magnetic shock through to filibustering gentlemen and women? The thing is, when it comes to cooking shows, I'd much rather use the remote to enable those tasty delights to materialize before me.
That day may come; but until then, there's always Domino's Pizza. Just picture it: you're lounging on the couch after a rotten day of fruitless meetings and client schmoozing. Suddenly, a pizza ad appears on the TV screen and you salivate, knowing full well that the pie you order will never match the mouthwatering dish on display in the ad. Hell, the pizza in the ad doesn't even look that good. Still, that pit in your gut rumbles on, and the thought of slicing and dicing away in the kitchen grows less and less appealing. Wouldn't it be great if you could order that slimy slab with a quick click of the remote?
Well, they've been doin' it in the UK for almost a year now. As featured in a 10/9 edition of PR Week's Weekly Web Watch column (Domino's slices new niche for itself with interactive ordering, by Stovin Hayter), Domino's "launched an online ordering service on BskyB's digital interactive TV platform.... [That] lets those couch potatoes order pizza with their remote control, without even having to shift themselves to a telephone."
That's not all. The pizza pushers plan to parlay this promotion into similar projects for wireless devices, and "net-enabled game consoles like the new Sega Dreamcast and Sony Playstation 2."
Don't ya feel warm 'n' gooey inside just knowing that soon, game-addicted l'il latch-key kids will be able to quell midday munch attacks without even having to break away from their all-important board-busting? Hey, barring the delivery transaction, they won't even have to bear the brunt of human contact! And just think of the amazing hand-eye-coordination skills to be honed as homework-evading teens gobble greasy slices and attempt delicate joystick maneuvers at the same time. That's exciting, but I'll stick to dreaming of the day a remote control congressional phaser attachment comes on the market.
Cheese-or-Crackah-land?
-- OR --
Photo Fudge
As all true Machiavelli fans know, the ends justify the means. So who could blame The University of Idaho for fussing with a photo on its website? After all, it was in the spirit of promoting the school's multicultural student body.
A 10/9 Wired News report notes that "The faces of one Asian and one black student were superimposed over two whites in a group photo" on the college's site. The University's president, Bob Hoover stated in his half-apology, "I understand that it was done in the interest of reflecting our commitment to diversity. However, it will never happen again."
Apparently, a campus rainbow coalition was nowhere to be found on the grounds of the school, which has a minority population of 8% according to the Wired brief. Either that, or the entire state of Idaho had run out of film and photographers. Seriously though, if this Hoover guy had a clue, he would have pinned blame on the ultimate scapegoat: the creators of Adobe Photoshop software.
This same sort of thing occurred recently at the University of Wisconsin, too. Let's consider the reality here. Does anybody really expect Idaho or Wisconsin to be bastions of ethnic diversity? I think we can be sure there's a conspiratorial photo-doctoring phenomenon when we see a Bob Jones University pamphlet featuring a male student donning a bright pink feather boa....
Top Ten Tag Travesty
-- OR --
Snap! Crackle! Slop!
Breakfast of Champions isn't just a Kurt Vonnegut novel, and No More Tears is more than a classic Ozzy record. These facts came as a surprise to many recently as the top ten most successful slogans were revealed.
Chosen by Northwestern University's Medill Graduate Department of Integrated Marketing Communications, the winning tags were "analyzed against recognition (have heard/seen it) and identification (linked correctly to brand/company/product)," according to a 10/12 Yahoo! Finance release. Across the globe, consumers grappled with Northwestern University's celebration of such unknowns as Allstate's "You're in Good Hands" (ranked # 1) and pork's "The Other White Meat" (# 5). Analysts were flabbergasted, wondering how Rice Krispies' forgettable "Snap! Crackle! Pop!" slogan garnered recognition with third place standing.
Where's "He likes it...hey Jimmy"? And how could they forget the classic tag, "ancient Burmese secret"? These were just some of the questions asked by befuddled folks in what's thought of as a startling upset. As for the apparent neglect of this column's brilliant catchphrase and worldwide brand recognition, Northwestern U found that 99.9% of consumers agree on one thing: The Lowbrow Lowdown ought to change its tagline from "Commentary with Bite" to "Commentary that Bites." Representatives of the column could not be reached for comment.
Ox on the Rocks
-- OR --
Mirage in the Convention Hall
The holidays are just around the bend, and ensuring that those festive duds of yours still fit over that office chair derriere is this month's prime operative. The thing is, the endless array of free chupa chups, butter-flavor-soaked popcorn and logo-imprinted energy bars offered at all these darn Internet conferences is starting to impact your waistline. What's the solution? Could it be willpower, or perhaps self-control, you wonder? Hell no! The answer is right in front of your face. In fact, you just snorted it. It's oxygen!
Capitalizing on the trendy popularity of Oxygen huffing, Florida's Oasis Oxygen Bars has wafted its way onto the tradeshow scene, as noted in a 10/16 Industry Standard brief (Breathe Different, by Karen Solomon). It seems that pharmaceutical firms, retail stores, and Internet outfits alike have enticed conference attendees with the straight-up double O's. These uncut delicacies even come in flavors, like mint, a.k.a. "Synergy," and eucalyptus and gingko, a.k.a. "Clarity." How about "Jargony" (horse droppings with a hint of Echinacea)?
Sure, free oxygen could motivate the herds to swing by your pitching station. The lure factor won't come cheap though; according to the story, Oasis charges about $1,500 a day for use of its head lifting services. At that price, one wonders, considering recent reports of dot-com drug abuse, whether a few lines offered up on a complimentary mouse pad would beckon buzz-fiends to a booth just as quickly.
The Lowbrow Lowdown is available for syndication.
Disclaimer
The The Lowbrow Lowdown™ is a registered trademark. Any use of The The Lowbrow Lowdown™ name or content without consent of Kate Kaye is strictly prohibited.
While best efforts were used in collecting and preparing the information contained herein,
The Lowbrow Lowdown™ does not assume, and hereby disclaims, any
liability for any loss or damage caused by errors or
omissions, whether such errors or omissions resulted from
negligence, accident or other causes.
This may come as a revelation, even to some of you seasoned advertising pros out there, but sexual connotations, particularly when accompanied by corresponding visual imagery, attract attention. Even more eye-catching is overt sexuality -- again -- specifically when pictorial is involved. I know; it's shocking. I mean, who'd 'a thunk it?