12.21.00

And They Wrapped Him in Swaddling Brands
-- OR --
Gold, Frankincense and a New Cell Phone
Don't you just love the holiday shopping season? It's nearly impossible to escape the spirited sounds of caroling consumers and marketers beating on drums of festive indulgence. This year, the Lowbrow Lowdown lackeys were feeling especially bloated from the buying blow out. So they dediced to relieve their stress through the healing magic of song. Now, you, too can sing along to their little Christmas ditty.

Croon this commercial carol to the
tune of "The Little Drummer Boy":
"Shop," they told me
Cha-cha-cha-cha-ching
We'll sap your spirit whilst
  We pluck your purse strings
Sedate you with Mickey D's 'til
  You burst from your clothes
How else would you fall for New Years'
  Health club promos
  Health club promos
  Health club promos

Buy her those diamonds
  And you'll thank us later
  When she spreads eagle
Only please heed our words
They'll soon collect dust
  In her panty hose drawah
Like the crooning fish you got your
Secret Santa
Secret Santa
Secret Santa

Sure you got screwed last year
  When you shopped online
But brother these dot-coms
  Could sure use a dime
Rest assured that this year
  They'll go the extra mile
And Jeff Bezos' smile will make it
All worthwhile
All worthwhile
All worthwhile

"Shop," they told me
Cha-cha-cha-cha-ching
  We'll pluck your purse strings

Wait! Don't let the secular seasonal fun stop there! To ensure a seriously rockin' holiday, it's about time you fixed yerself up a batch of Lowbrow Lowdown Rock-Out Cut-Out Cookies!