12.7.00
Mobile Marketing Melee
-- OR --
Stop That Ad!
It was back in 1882 when, more concerned with maintaining the pristine beauty of the city than the forest, Teddy Roosevelt's Uncle Alderman sought to ban ad-mobiles. The result was an ordinance that continues to be the bane of outdoor advertisers. As noted in an 11/24 New York Times feature, the law stipulates "that no advertising trucks, vans or wagons shall be allowed in the streets of the City of New York...."

Today, from coast to coast, the pavement promo polemics proceed. Mobile billboard companies including Streetblimps Inc. and Target Advertising are involved in court contests. Firms in Boston and San Francisco are embroiled in disputes as well. However, it's not just any ol' traveling ad that constitutes as culpable in this case. It's the cargo-less "billboard trucks" that cruise city streets for the sole purpose of hauling large ad placards.

The Times story mentions that dot-coms "looking for offbeat ways to get their messages to consumers" have contributed to the recent traveling ad comeback. In fact, SRDS, a company "that publishes a sort of yellow pages for companies seeking 'out-of-home advertising' options" reports that the number of mobile billboard companies has blossomed from eight in 1997 to around 25 today.

In an attempt to "explain the rationale behind" its ban on moving billboards, San Francisco cited "traffic congestion, truck emissions and assaults on citizens' aesthetic sensibilities" as major factors. Citizens are concerned, too. "Pro-pedestrian group" Citystreets "urges supporters to write to the companies that advertise on the mobile billboards, to complain that their ads increase pollution and traffic congestion," according to the NY Times piece.

And what do the big bad brand builders have to say for themselves? Well, they're clinging to the free speech argument for protection. Considering the outdoor ad onslaught of everything from enormous building sheaths to posters pasted in repetition on scaffolding to buses and VW bugs wrapped in commercial costumes, who can blame 'em? And hey, who knows how far the ban could go? I mean, imagine a world without skywriting, or "My kid beat up your honor student" bumper stickers?

The Times article also mentions some mobile billboard alternatives that have become popular in the city of late, particularly "Chalking ads on sidewalks" and "parading signs past the sets of early-morning television programs that use the city streets as backdrops." Hmmm... that gives me an idea. I could join the shamelessly plugging masses straining pathetically for TV moments on some mindless morning show. That way I could kill two Bryants with one gumball: 1. The Lowbrow Lowdown name would achieve worldwide recognition in a matter of seconds. 2. My mother would refrain from nagging me to stand among some herd of dolts just so she can see her daughter on the idiot box.

Promo Watch
-- OR --
Ad Mock Time
As featured in recent issues of The Economist, Patek Philippe has an announcement to make: "To mark the end of the twentieth century, Philippe Stern, President of Patek Philippe has decided to award all owners of Patek Philippe watches with a unique gift: the opportunity to own one of the last ten complicated watches created by the company in the twentieth century...." Here's the clincher: "All ten watches… will be presented personally by Philippe Stern… at a special reception…." One Lowbrow Lowdown lackey inquires, "will the chosen few be presented with Publisher's Clearinghouse style oversized watches during the ceremony, too?"

Plum Outta Ad Dollars
-- OR --
The Farmers Are Getting Restless
So, you've beheld the power of cheese and you know that possum ain't the other white meat. The thing is, unlike the California Raisins, funds for these gastronomical awareness programs don't grow on trees. And at this point, the farmers are fed up.

That's right. According to the 11/28 San Francisco Chronicle coverage, the California Supreme Court decided in a 4-to-3 vote to revive the debate over "whether growers can be forced to pay for generic advertising to promote the industry," This particular case involved Gerawan Farming, from whom the state-sponsored marketing board (one of 51 in California) collects $80,000.00 annually to pay for plum promos. Overall, the state boards harvest $172 million from California croppers each year, according to the article.

Although the state Supreme Court neglected to pass down anything as pulpy as an actual ruling, one justice wrote that the current law "compels [the grower] to fund, against its will, commercial speech in the form of general advertising about plums." So now, it's off to the California Court of Appeal with the case. Of course, as featured in the SF Chronicle story, "The U.S. Supreme Court might have the final say" since "it agreed to decide a similar challenge brought by a mushroom grower." Hmmm...I have to admit that I've never seen or heard a mushroom ad, but I can hear the slogan now: "Mushrooms are the shit. Well, at least they grow in it."

Not surprising, these state demands are a throwback to the Depression era, during which state marketing boards were created to stimulate demand for farm foodstuffs. Being a sentimental gal, I think we ought to keep these laws intact. That way we could all move to hoovervilles and go back to gobblin' deep fried pone cakes for supper, too....

Digital Dummies
-- OR --
Avatars for Avatars' Sake
As art for art's sake continues to thrive, technology for technology's sake is rearing its sterile head, too. That fact couldn't be more apparent than when illustrated by LifeFX's Stand-In software. The Stand-Ins, derived from technology used to create digital eyeball replicas for ophthalmological purposes, are "photo-realistic digital human faces that, with text-to-speech software, read your email messages aloud -- with feeling," according to a story in Wired's December 2000 print issue (Interface2face, by Tom McNichol).

Now the firm is going viral. Yes, in an attempt to incite an email forwarding frenzy, LifeFX will send promo messages that require download of a media player "to bring alive the virtual character, who can read email aloud, moving its lips and assuming facial expressions that match the content." Despite Stand-In audio quality that Wired refers to as "mechanical tones," the company has a lofty goal of 5 million application downloads.

Hmmm... considering the fact that the lifers aim to promote a legitimate business, chances are the raunchy humor and blatant sexual innuendo necessary to spur a viral hit will not be components of this particular email campaign. Plus, unless these Stand-Ins are designed to feature an obscenely large, Lara Croft-inspired bosom, most of the early-adopting techno-geeks LifeFX hopes to attract will be sticking to their Magic: The Gathering chat rooms and Heavy Metal comics.

LifeFX CEO, Lucie Salhany believes that it's the realistic imagery that will do the trick. "What's unique is how real the Stand-Ins look compared with avatars on the Web," boasts Salhany in the article. "It's the difference between Bart Simpson and Tom Brokaw." This is preposterous! Does Salhany really mean to insinuate that Brokaw is more than a robotic representation of a human?

In regards to Stand-Ins' customer service applications, it's true that in general, folks feel more comfortable in the presence of something with human characteristics as opposed to robotic ones. The thing is, Stand-Ins seem to be a far cry from the live person reps so many ecommerce sites are counting on to make this shopping season a success. The very nature of the flesh-and-blood guide on the other side replicates what many people love about the Web. Essentially, it is a medium through which people can connect; people don't need to connect to the medium itself. I mean, hey, I don't have a little man in a Kevlar suit residing in my microwave oven just in case I need his cooking advice.

The Year of the CAT
-- OR --
Sellin' Out in the Fast Lane
As prophesied by that master of ego-masturbation, David Foster Wallace, in his indulgent novel, Infinite Jest, someday, each year will be sponsored by a different product or corporation. Those days may be closer than we think. Just look at what's goin' down in South Carolina. If Guvnah Jim Hodges has his druthers, a bill allowing state drivers to purchase NASCAR-branded vanity license plates will become law.

Yes, as noted in an 11/27 ESPN.com piece, Rusty, Dale and the gang could be revered on the road as well as the race track. Of course, in a PR-pleasing gesture, some of the money collected for the $60.00 plates will go toward South Carolina's Children's Emergency Shelter Foundation.

It comes as no surprise that NASCAR and its posse would embrace such a sponsorship deal. Hey, by now, these professional racing folks are lucky if their contracts don't demand that their pubic hair be shaved to display their sponsors' logos. Plus, through this potential license validation, it's the NASCAR name that ends up with a deal sweeter than a fresh quart 'o' Penzoil.

Which leads me to the great state of South Carolina. What the hell are these officials thinking, affiliating the state's name with a corporate entity in such an overt manner? I don't care if your schoolin' consisted of shootin' bee-bees at rusted cans in your uncle-pappy's back shed, or how many teeth you lost in that demolition derby accident; there is simply no excuse for this senseless behavior! I mean, what's next -- Bo and Luke Duke on the state flag?

The Grinch Who Went Postal
-- OR --
Canceling Christmas at the USPS
Don't be so smug to think that South Carolina's shameless government/corporate cooperation (see above) is reserved to the back woods, though. It appears that the U.S. Postal Service is pretty comfortable with this sort of hyper-commercial cross promotion as well.

In a move that gets the corporate who-re stamp of approval, "the U.S. Postal Service has started canceling millions of pieces of holiday mail with a 'Happy Wholidays' postmark," as noted in an 11/27 Advertising Age print brief (Postal Service says 'Happy Wholidays'). You guessed it. This year, even the post office has refused to provide a safe haven away from flagrant commercialization, or its mascot, Jim Carrey. In fact, although the "Happy Wholidays" cancellation, which alludes to the ubiquitous flick, The Grinch, "doesn't directly mention the movie.... [T]he Postal Service, Universal Pictures and Imagine Entertainment agreed to cross-promote eachother." Awww... isn't it nice when we can all forget our differences and come together in the true spirit of the holiday season?

The USPS site goes into more detail about the two-month campaign, highlighting its use of the movie, and "more specifically the Whoville Post Office, as the theme for Holiday 2000 Advertising and Promotion Campaign." In fact, in addition to point of purchase promos, TV and print ads, an online presence and Whoville Post Office philatelic cachets, "an exclusive line of mail related merchandise for children" will also be made available according to the official U.S. Post Office site.

OK, let's disregard the fact that if the U.S. Mail must be involved with marketing The Mean One, it should have commemorated Dr. Seuss with a stamp, perhaps in a collection honoring children's book authors or something like that. What warrants a government organization having such close ties with a private sector entity in the first place? There's little doubt that, from a PR perspective, the postal service is more than happy to be involved with such a heart-warming, family-oriented film. Hey, considering the reputation for violent behavior attributed to post-persons, not to mention the introduction of the phrase "going postal" into the colloquial lexicon, you can't blame the USPS. However, the idea of a tax-payer funded division of the federal government hobnobbing with Hollywood is a bit stomach-turning to me. Isn't it bad enough that the executive branch puts more effort into creating short films and scheduling lame duck interviews with glossy magazines than it does passing a budget? I have to admit, though: I would be excited to see Alan Greenspan team up with Will Smith in the next Federal Reserve-sponsored, action-packed, Wall Street-inspired thriller "In the Red."