Good Eats, Bad Banks
You don't want to get on the bad sides of Alfonso Pecoraro Scanio and his organization.
Let's flashback to last month. Do you remember that hunk of aged provolone you purchased at the Piggly Wiggly -- the one with the cute little Italian flag stuck in it? It seemed pretty genuine, and it sure as hell cost enough. So what's the problem? There's a chance that it wasn't actually made in Italy, and Mr. Scanio ain't happy about it.
You see, Scanio is Italy's Agricultural Minister, and he and the rest of the Ministry of Agriculture are launching a full scale PR and marketing attack on Italian food poseurs. An advertising campaign focused on consumer education will be coupled with the use of an official seal of approval (the "Denomination of Protected Origin") which will demark "the best Italian food products."
"In the U.S., it is easy to find produce with Italian flags on it, even though it is not produced in Italy," claims Mr. Scanio in a July 20 Advertising Age article. "We are trying to develop a global strategy to defend our foods on international markets."
Suggestion: It's imperative that Scanio's first US victim be the Olive Garden, if only for the myth of authenticity it's been perpetrating on all Americans, whether of Italian decent or not. The chain's slop is mediocre at best; however, besides this, the simple fact that General Mills' restaurant division currently operates over 460 Olive Garden "units" exposes the "hospitaliano" hacks as the frauds they truly are. The extraordinary nerve displayed by the restaurant's TV ads, portraying the highway-side Pizza Hut wannabe as a well-loved gathering place for genuine Italian families is about as disparaging to Italian-American culture as Ragu or Joey Buttafuoco.
Italian corporations are also getting involved in preserving the good name of their motherland. As mentioned in another recent Ad Age piece, Bulgari, a high-end jeweler will set up a "fund to invest in promising companies that produce high-quality Italian food, wine and fashion." By the end of the year, the fund is expected to invest $143 million into "traditional" companies that have been neglected in the wake of Internet firm funding fervor.
The fund is called "Made In Italy." It will be based in Luxembourg.
I'm serious, folks -- Luxembourg: You know, that quaint Duchy that's nestled among France, Germany and Belgium? I regret that further comment on the irony of this situation would dilute its absurdity.
Potent Quotables
McWellness -- The Ultimate Oxymoron?
When Barbara Staehelin named her three-year-old health assistance company "McWellness," in reference to McKinsey, a consulting firm where she met her co-founder, she naively neglected to note the correlation with the golden-arched burger-slinging behemoth. According to a 7/23 New York Times brief, it didn't take long for the man in the big red shoes to trip her up by claiming trademark infringement.
In regards to the squabble, a McDonald's spokesman said assuredly, "The Mc prefix is well established to be McDonald's."
Hmmm...although I have yet to consult William Safire, I wasn't aware that "Mc" is a prefix. Perhaps when I went by my maiden name of McGuire, I should have been paying Ronald royalties for use of the "Mc" that I so blindly considered my birthright. Then again, had I known, I most likely would have chosen to change my name sooner, rather than go by a name denoting "Greasy Guire."
Oh Sexy PhotoDisc Man...
-- OR --
The Next Mahir?
Argh! There he is again! It's that scrawny, funny-faced, bespectacled Asian dude! He screeches here and smirks there; his smug mug seems almost ever-present, in ads for everything from About.com to Domino's to EveryCD.com.
So who is the li'l bugger, anyway? Well, according to a 7/24 Industry Standard print edition brief, the boy wonder who's been referred to as "Waldo" (as in "Where's Waldo Chen?") is actually named George Chen. Would you believe that "his spiky hair and hipster-nerd glasses have appeared in at least 20 ads for dot-coms"? That's the truth. However, the designer only made $500 for the 1997 photo shoot. As noted in the article, he may do the stock photo thang again, "But the commission structure will be set up much differently this time."
According to a TheStreet.com story from late last month, in addition to his undeniable charm and mass dork-appeal (Who could deny the huge success of the Nerds flicks and Sixteen Candles character, Long Duck Dong?), Chen's clips are so popular because they're just plain cheap. "A CD-ROM containing 16 different photos of Chen, as well as 104 images of other models from the series, sells for $149 from PhotoDisc."
(Hey, why pay at all? A little magic with the a Photoshop rubber stamp tool can rid any PhotoDisc pic of that pesky watermark.)
Chen was worth the $149, though, as far as EveryCD co-founder Pierce Ledbetter is concerned. As mentioned in TheStreet.com story, "Chen looks like he could listen to classical music or techno."
You've gotta love the classical music fan/techie stereotype attributed to Asians here. If you follow that logic, Chen also looks like he's a geometry wiz with a propensity towards fender-bending.
Beach Blanket Branding
-- OR --
Ad Impressions Get All Washed up
A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a pierced, leather-clad ruffian etching words and images into the newly-poured, semi-hardened sidewalk concrete in front of an east village tattoo/espresso shop. These weren't your everyday handprints or Susie Luvs Bobby 4-ever-type messages, though. They were advertising messages, accompanied by scraped imitations of classic tat-icons like hearts with wings and naval ship anchors.
A city street is one place that advertising is ubiquitous -- almost anticipated, like the sight of two Starbucks, one across from the other, or suburban rich kids with bright pink mohawks, posing as street urchins and begging for change.
That's the city, though. The beach, on the other hand, is an ad-free zone, right? Not anymore, thanks to the "Beach 'n Billboard impression device." Beach 'n Billboard "Patrick Dori invented a machine -- which, he says, came to him in a dream -- that's dragged behind the trucks used to clean beaches each morning and then stamps a marketing message into the freshly swept sand," reports the July/August issue of Brill's Content.
Each featuring a "Please Don't Litter" message, the contiguous, 12' x 4' ads stretch on in repetition for ½ mile in length and cover the surface area of over four football fields, on beaches in Jersey, Michigan, and even the Netherlands. In an interview with the Lowbrow Lowdown, president and inventor, Dori said that depending on beach location and demographics, a month's worth of daily ad impressions can run anywhere from $20,000-$25,000. Although there's no audience response tracking available, Dori claims that 20% of Seaside Heights' and Wildwood's beachcombers have responded because each municipality boasts a 20% drop in littering since the ads have been under barefoot.
Hmmm...that sounds like a convenient way for these New Jersey municipalities to justify their exchange of ad revenue from Dori's company for the commercialization of their once sacred shores. But, then again, who am I to dispute this seemingly unfounded fact? After all, Snapple's signed on for a second-year sand-ad run.
Let's just hope that some surfaces will remain ad-free forever. Perhaps one day, some mad scientist will develop an Ice-9 like system for enhancing water droplets with advertising images. Just imagine the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Jersey, teeming with mini ads reading, "Tonight at the Tiki Bar -- 2 for 1 well drinks 'til 9!" Yikes....
AdBusters Bust
-- OR --
Ad Revenue=Bad MoJo
By now, you may have heard of the marketer's worst nightmare, Adbusters. This media foundation fights advertising proliferation with none other than its very own billboards, posters and bumper stickers created by its "advocacy advertising agency," and attacks corporate-inspired consumer consumption with its own glossy, sleekly designed, heavy-stock print magazine. Well, in its August/September issue the publication called attention to another liberal mag, Mother Jones (the interactive version is known as MoJo Wire) and its reporters' supposed lack of scruples in neglecting to counteract the claims of one of its advertisers.
In its story entitled, Shell Shock, Adbusters briefed readers on a recent banner-ad scandal that's got MoJo Wire visitors up in arms. Apparently, Shell oil and gas has received a multitude of negative press from Mother Jones in response to its poor environmental and human rights record, yet has run banner ads on the MoJo Wire site. The banners link to MoJo Wire's "critical coverage" as well as Shell's "flashy PR report," according to the AdBusters piece.
The AdBusters diatribe begins with the following, cockeyed theory: "It's the unwritten rule that makes a ruse of 'aggressive' modern journalism: media outlets won't attack the ads that keep the profits rolling in. The advertisers, maybe; the ads - never."
"Our primary goal is to provide readers with the most comprehensive information possible and allow them to make their own informed judgments," writes Brooke Shelby Biggs, producer of MoJo Wire, in an editorial regarding Shell's banner campaign.
Imagine a publication that actually respects the intelligence of its readers! It comes as no surprise that AdBusters has trouble grasping the concept.
Chek Yo'self
-- OR --
Burning Holes in Pockets and Ad Budgets?
Those days of queuing up to collect the almighty paycheck are over. The digital age has enabled the constant flow of cash from employer to employee to ATM spout. Sure, the government still takes a hearty bite, but most of us are oblivious to that fact until we take that rare peek into our "This is not a check" envelopes.
Considering the overwhelming acceptance of direct deposit, could Ventura, CA's AdChek, a firm that prints ads on paychecks, be late in the game?
As featured in a July 18 LA Times report, AdChek charges between two and eight cents per ad, per check, and up to four ads can fit onto the back of a check. Comprised mainly of dot-coms, the company's advertisers include Earthlink, Proflowers.com, and AT&T Wireless.
Even the U.S. Postal Service is mulling over a deal to run AdChek ads on its employees' paychecks. (Check printing costs are covered by AdChek.) The problem is, however, that AdChek refuses to print ads for firearms, according to the LA Times story, so go figure....
Sure, it makes sense to target potential customers when their pockets are jingle-janglin', but ATM slips are the more obvious choice for advertisers, aren't they? Oh yeah, I forgot: Nobody looks at those either. Overall, it seems as though the participating companies that have agreed to allow AdChek to flip their paycheck printing bills are the real winners here.
Maybe the advertisers would be better off placing banners on fuckedcompany.com; chances are that's where AdChek will end up soon anyway.
