7.6.00
Remember Me When You Promote and Pander
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PETA Gets in Touch with Spiritual Side
Yet again, those mock-able marketers at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) have struck with a truly fulsome campaign promoting the virtues of vegetarianism; this time, in an appeal to Christians, they've hit far below the bible belt.

"Jesus mandates kindness, mercy, compassion, and love for all God's creation," stresses the PETA site, www.jesusveg.com. "He would be appalled by the degree of suffering we inflict on animals to indulge our acquired taste for their flesh."

The selective memory employed here is especially ironic. Have we forgotten the fishes that went with the loaves? Plus -- don't Christians partake in the flesh and blood of Christ?

Considering his "Golden Rule" -- Do unto others as you would unto yourselves -- I wonder how the Lamb of God would react to the veggie vigilantes' bombing of animal testing labs, offensive attacks on fur wearing folks or PETA's recent puerile display involving the hypocritical, oft-leather adorned Chrissie Hynde and the destruction of leather jackets sold by a Gap store in Manhattan.

(She may be a hypocrite, but who isn't? Anyway, Chrissie ROCKS!)

Fashion Slaves in Ad Attire
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Promotional Gear Reaps Gold
Last week's Lowbrow Lowdown put promotional garb in its deserved place: in the back of the closet, nestled tenderly between a box of Mad mags and an old Zeppelin black light poster. Sadly, the clothing hounds out there have rendered those efforts futile. ICONOCAST's 6/29 issue reports that, according to a study by the Promotional Products Association International, logo lemmings contributed to an overall promo-product industry revenue of nearly $15 billion last year.

"For the 14th consecutive year, 'wearables' such as T-shirts and baseball caps lead the industry, accounting for nearly 30% of all sales," indicates the CAST.

I once wrote a case study about a Food.com ad campaign that featured branded temporary tattoos, among other imaginative yet soul-searing offerings. Hey, there's no doubt that one day, folks will have no qualms about etching permanent, corporate trademarked tattoos into their flesh. It's a frightening thought at first, but consider this: It'll be about time that the average Joe gets his due recompense for all those years of brand-buying bondage. Rather than hording a multi-years' supply of Bandit proofs of purchase for some tobacco trinket, sunken-jawed Jasper will look forward to his monthly tatt-check from Skoal.

(By the way, the www.skoal.com domain is for sale to the highest bidder by the virtual carpet baggers over at Four Feathers Domain Name Sales.)

Sesame Street for Sale?
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Wee PBS Watchers Get Branded
While perusing the 6/27 issue of the Wall Street Journal last week, an involuntary string of curses erupted from my otherwise lady-like lips. (Hey, haven't you ever heard the term 'artistic license'?) Anyway, Joseph Pereira reported that 20 PBS stations, owned by nonprofits Maryland Public Broadcasting, Nebraska Educational Telecommunications and South Carolina Educational Communications, will "receive equity stakes in JuniorNet Corp., a for-profit childrens' Web site, in exchange for promotional and distribution services," including the airing of "a new half-hour childrens' program starting early next year that is designed, in part, to increase awareness of JuniorNet's brand name."

A-ha! Here's another example of the demise of supposed-non-commercial programming. Well, at least that was my initial thought, anyway.

Alas, it may not be so bad afterall. Sure, these PBS stations will be pushing the for-profit website, but JuniorNet runs NO advertising. Instead, its revenue is gleaned from a $9.95/month subscription charge. Plus, the site partners with pro-media literacy publications like Zillions®, the "online magazine for kids from Consumer Reports...[that's] designed to help kids become savvy about their consumer choices, and see through ad hype, peer pressure and other influences."

Considering the fact that, according to the Journal coverage, the 346-station organization must collect about 45% of its revenue from corporate sponsorships and foundations, while the remainder is derived from government funding and member donations, the deal seems reasonable. The question remains: Could this kids' show be the next extension of that slippery slope known as "enhanced commercial messaging?"

Come to think of it, as long as there are no overt Pokemon or Harry Potter-style ploys involved, it's probably pretty harmless.

Heil Volkswagen
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Propaganda Parks
Milton Hershey and the creators of Busch Gardens were way ahead of their time, if recent developments in total brand experiences are any indication. As evidenced by Scott Kirsner's comprehensive July 2000 Wired feature, "Are You Experienced?" "brandlands" are sprouting up all over the place. But it's not just about beer and chocolate anymore.

A full day of brand interaction awaits visitors to Volkswagen's Autostadt in Wolfsburg, Germany, where park areas are dedicated to specific brands, including Audi, Lamborghini and of course, the exceedingly popular VW models. From working assembly lines to D Model design customization, patrons are immersed in the realm of car creation at this city of autos.

"We've got a palette of lighting, sound, smell, and scenery that we can use to create an immersive experience," says president and CEO of Edwards Technologies, an audio and video installation firm.

If you thought the permeating aromas of hops, cocoa beans and new car were intoxicating, you ain't sniffed nothin' yet. Inside sources have revealed to the Lowbrow Lowdown that soon, branded fun's to be had at SpamLand, Depends Undie-Extravaganza and the Premarin Pavillion. No worries, though…the distribution of nostril-tightening clothespins is expected at all themeparks.

Another VW-related experience can be had at Glaserne Manufaktur, located in Dresden. As noted in the Wired story, it's "an unsubtle attempt to surround potential customers with a physical environment that embodies and enhances the characteristics of the forthcoming D Model luxury sedan." The attraction offers guests the opportunity to employ Bluetooth wireless technology to customize information via cell phone or PDA.

"They could select information about the D Model's design, or earth-friendliness, or engineering," mentions George Wiktor, director of Bob Rogers & Company Imagination Arts and Glaserne Manufaktur project manager. Hmmm...the last time I checked, the phrase 'earth-friendly car' was an oxymoron.

Sure, fans of Volkswagen are zealous to say the least; I can empathize, though. If only I could attain funding for my pipe-dreamland, "Datsun Z Car Dominion," all would be right with the ubiquitously branded world.

Kellogg's Diet Challenge Deemed Unfit
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I Can Still Pinch an Inch (It Must Be the Tapeworm)
Finally, my college-aged eating habits have been vindicated! On 7/1, the Australian site, AdNews featured a news brief regarding the 'Kellogg's 2 Week Challenge'. Just in time to strike summertime sufferers of the "my cut-offs shrunk again" blues, the cereal-making flakes have launched a TV ad campaign, supported by package promos, in-store leaflets and of course, a website, for a "kick-start" to a "healthy and nutritionally balanced" weight loss plan.

As noted on Kellogg's UK site, the less-than-strict weight loss regime calls for dieters to "see if [they] can lose up to 6lbs by simply enjoy[ing] a bowl of ANY Kellogg's cereal for breakfast using semi skimmed milk...and again for either lunch or dinner with one healthy main meal for 2 weeks..." And don't forget the first rule on the "Hints & Tips" list: "Never skip breakfast."

Not surprising, British health organizations are not pleased. According to the AdNews report, the "promotion by Kellogg is drawing flak from a range of UK health authorities, which claim it is an irresponsible recipe for creating more eating disorders." However, apparently the campaign is running for only two weeks. Sure, this Kellogg's challenge ploy is gimmicky, but how many eating disorders can be created within a 14-day time span? We're talkin' breakfast cereal here, not Totino's® Stuffed Beef Nachos or Ramen noodles!

Kellogg's considers the Queen Margaret University College test of the diet, "where participants lost an average of four pounds over 14 days" to be valid, though. But that still leaves me with two unanswered questions: